So I have a pattern in my life of running away. The nervous system response of fight or flight is big news nowadays and I can tell you unequivocally that I’m the poster child for flight. I discovered this through various types of talk therapy that I have done over the last few years. It becomes almost comical to look back at your life and see the repeating patterns. Big breakup – train ride to the other side of the country! Job loss- lets move to another province! Mid life crisis – how about a round the world trip! As I have become aware of these patterns I am able to recognize them more easily but I have as yet been unable to break them. I continue to have the urge to run when things get big and heavy.
In a recent ZenThai training session we were discussing common psycho emotional patterns and how they can show up in the body. As the instructor described the movement patterns and the body posture and other sysmptoms associated with a body in chronic flight response I realized how much it fit me to a T. I hadn’t connected this behaviour pattern with my somatic issues but of course they are connected. Everything is connected. The body keeps the score.
I had had some success over the winter in relaxing some of my muscles and adjusting postural patterns thanks to ZenThai and my increased somatic awareness but an emotional upset this spring has gotten the old pattern fired up again. The last couple of weeks I’ve found myself unconsciously tightening and contracting and I’ve noticed that these body patterns are showing up just as my mind is wandering to thoughts of running away again.
The question now is what do I choose to do. Up to this point my behaviour has been more or less unconscious. Rooted in patterns developed in childhood that my young mind felt I needed to survive. But now that I have gained this awareness and can see the repetitions it becomes a conscious choice. Do I take the easy route and run away again or do I sit in the pain and make a different choice. Our brains will always opt for the familiar as there is more certainty in repetition than in the unknown. In the unknown there is fear, uncertainty and a lack of control. To be honest at this point the running is looking very very appealing. I have been looking at flights to Bali in the fall and started my passport renewal. I’ll keep y’all posted on who is winning the tug of war.
Raven's Breath Somatic Facilitation 